Posts for Thursday, March 20, 2008
Written on Thursday March 20, 2008 at around 11 AM
So today B turns 5 years old. Can you believe it? I sure can't. I have two of the greatest kids and I am having the hardest time with them. B is a huge helper when it comes to the dishes, he always dries and puts them away for me and is just the sweetest kid. G loves going to daycare and I have a hard time with her because of the whole growling and overreacting thing. I just get so frustrated with them when really I'm frustrated with my life.
I now know this but even with the therapy I still can't help it. "Am I a bad mom?" I ask the therapist. He says, "No." It still doesn't make me feel any better when he says that you're dealing with the stress the best you can. All I want to do is break down and cry all the time. I had a pretty bad anxiety attack last week while I was driving. I have never had one while driving, normally I get them when I go into the movie theater when it's busy.
I have kept the kids home these past few days and put them back in daycare today, I didn't want them here while the landscapers were here. I totally forgot they were coming and now I can't use the backyard next weekend for B's birthday party. Luckily the house is huge so we can just have it inside. That's crappy because we live in Phoenix and it's really nice right now and starting today we can't use the backyard until the grass grows which could easily be over a month. I'm just not with it really anymore.
The Man is getting mad at me because I hardly make any decisions anymore. I know why I don't which is because I'm afraid that it's the wrong one. Because of my indecision, it's now given way to B to start doing it. I know that everyone has an excuse for their behavior and there is no excuse for mine. I just need to get over this crap and start being a better parent. Easier said than done for me.
I really hope that kids show up for B's birthday next weekend. I didn't want to do it this weekend because of it being Easter and all so I figured that it would be better to do it next Saturday. I already bought a Spiderman cake and I'm going to buy the party favors next week. He loves Spiderman. I also made a cake for his birthday last night and thought I would decorate it like I did four years ago (the Wilton Way), yeah right.
I ended up just throwing it away because the icing was too thick and fell off the cake and also weighed it down. The Man said, "It's not like you're a professional, you can just make it like how the box says." Not exactly what I wanted to hear, I don't think he put it quite that way but either way I didn't like it. I felt even worse and even more depressed because I can't even decorate a cake correctly. As you can tell that I have the best self esteem right now. Very promising. I just really want to crawl under a rock right now but there's isn't one that isn't either snake, spider or scorpion infested right now.
So I'm on my way up Albertson's to buy another cake and pre-made frosting for B's birthday. Maybe this time I'll remember to buy the card too. Ok well have a good day!
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