Posts for Saturday, April 12, 2008
Written on Saturday April 12, 2008 at around 11 PM
Lately things have been crazy because I really haven't felt like doing a whole lot and then Mayo Clinic added another appointment to my already crazy schedule. I now (after rescheduling it) a CT scan on Wednesday morning and so that day I will be at Mayo all day. I feel horrible for the kids because I have to be at Mayo by 8:20am and so they have to be to daycare at 7am and they'll have to eat breakfast there for the second time in two weeks. I am feeling more nervous and upset as the surgery gets closer even though I don't have the date yet.
A few weeks ago I put notice into the daycare about pulling the kids out and then a few days later I told them that I can't do that and need them to go three days a week instead and it took them over a week to tell me no. I was told that their last day is April 21. They know what's going on and I know that they wanted my kids out and I was pissed when they told me that because that's the day I meet with my GI doctor from Mayo and go over everything.
So fuck them because lost my business of $1,200 a month and now the montessori school that B is now going to will get. He's getting so excited about going there. My dad is being a big a-hole by demanding that he takes the kids for a month so I can recuperate. I would let him but honestly I don't trust him with my kids when their over 2,000 miles from me and I also know that he won't let the kids see The Man's family who live on the other side of the state. Their house is never clean, I don't trust him cooking food safely for my kids and they don't even know him because it's been a year and a half since he's seen them. I don't think so. That and I'm paying for B to go to a private school and I have to pay whether he goes or not, I'm not going to pay $660 a month and have him miss it. I told my dad that he/wife are more than welcomed to stay here but the kids are not leaving. We'll see how that plays out.
I also got very mad at The Man on Friday because he wants me to get rid of Tatum (who I now want to call Gizmo but won't) since he's allergic. I have been trying very hard to not disturb his allergies by brushing her everyday, cleaning out the litter box, washing her dishes everyday and even hand washing her room everyday. Luckily after the kids found out that they went to him and of course he was mad but he said, "She can stay, I've been out voted." This is the first cat that the family really has taken to. Morris was like family up until he started spraying the house and then chewing on expensive cables. Tatum stays downstairs, likes the kids, doesn't meow and just is a very laid back cat. Today I took her outside to brush her with the FURminator brush and she let me brush her for 30 minutes, I could have brushed her longer but it was getting really hot outside. I sprayed a few things on her, to try and help The Man's allergies, like an dander relief spray and also a leave in conditioner. I can't give her a real bath for a few weeks, until I know her stitches are gone. I think that if I lost her right now I would be very devastated.
I have had a very short fuse with the kids lately. This morning I woke to B throwing books over the loft wall and right over lamps. Not a very nice way to wake up in the morning and then they were just a bunch of jerks while we tried to run a few errands. Since we (The Man) is getting more into cooking, we went to a restaurant supply store and then lunch. Both kids were so embarrassing that I wished that they were someone else's for the day. Then they refused to take naps even though they were dead dog tired. Made for a long night. They did act ok at the jewelry store while The Man decided on a watch. It was just a bad night and then he leaves for LA Sunday night and won't be home until Tuesday night. Going to be a very long week with him gone for part and then at Mayo for the rest.
Do you ever have regrets? I do a lot right now and I'm trying not to let them bother me because there's nothing that I can do about it now, I actually don't know if I really would change it. My kids will most likely have what I have, there are many days that I feel bad now that I know that they'll have this disorder and that I don't know who it will end with. I know that you can't live in fear and yes it can skip them but there's still that big chance it's not. Had I really known what was going on that I would have thought twice about having them and instead adopted. I love my kids and don't to ever lose them but if I could have spared them this crap. Like I said I doubt I would change my decision about having them but I would have thought harder about it.
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